What about your friends.
Let us discuss mourning the loss of a friendship. Breakups aren’t easy. Ending ties with someone you once held in high regard—perhaps even loved or felt safe around—can be daunting. However, unhealthy relationships or friendships can be detrimental to your mental well-being, especially if they leave you feeling empty and unheard.
Sadly, we live in a time when many people focus on themselves, leading to one-sided friendships. In these situations, one person often puts in all the effort while the other feels drained and unappreciated. You might try to communicate your feelings to the other person, but once someone has a fixed perception of you, it can be challenging to change that viewpoint. And that is okay.
I want to assure you that while moving on may seem impossible or difficult at first, time will gradually make it easier, especially if you were the one who decided to end the friendship.
I will not go into details about my situation, but for the purpose of this blog, I will summarize the events that led me to this point. Recently, I had to cut ties with two individuals who left me feeling uneasy. In hindsight, there were many instances where these friendships should have ended, but I am trying to be more understanding of “the way people are” and accepting of them as such. However, that can be exhausting when you feel like you must walk on eggshells around your friends. It took a lot of self-reflection and soul-searching to decide to sever ties. I have reached a point where I understand that I cannot please everyone, and I am learning to be okay with that. I am also at a stage where I refuse to accept the bare minimum; I want to be valued, and I love pouring into my friends.
I want to share some tools to help you recognize when it may be time to move on from a friendship, along with signs that indicate it might be necessary:
1. If you find yourself writing down offenses to validate or make excuses for how your friend makes you feel, it may be time to separate from them.
2. If you express your feelings to your friend and nothing changes, it may be time to distance yourself.
3. If you feel you must walk on eggshells and cannot be yourself for fear of being judged, it may be time to end the friendship.
4. If you are the only one making an effort in the relationship, it may be time to let it go.
5. If issues only matter when they happen to them and your feelings are not appreciated, it may be time to part ways.
6. If a friend struggles to apologize or hold themselves accountable, it may be time to end that friendship.
Now, I would like to offer some suggestions on how to move on after a friendship has ended. First, surround yourself with people who accept you and make you feel seen. Respect goes a long way in any friendship or relationship. When someone respects your feelings, they respect you and care about how they make you feel. Even when mistakes happen, it is important to focus on correcting them rather than adopting a victim mentality. Being realistic about friendships is crucial, as misunderstandings can occur—none of us is perfect. If you have a friend who is trying to improve, extend grace to them and collaborate to work through the issues together.
Avoid wallowing in sadness or anger about the breakup indefinitely. Moving on without hostility is okay; you can wish them well and love them from afar. Do not speak ill of them simply because things did not work out between you two—this does not make them a bad person. A good friendship should feel like fitting together the pieces of a puzzle. Just because some pieces do not fit does not mean they are bad; they simply were not meant to be.
Once we understand this, we can move forward with grace. Reflect on the good times, as there was a period when you considered this person a friend. There are likely some key takeaways that you can cherish as fond memories. And remember life goes on.
💋 Ranata
